On passions
by srta. tímida
(Hi, happy new year.)
Instead of buying a new diary/planner for 2012, I’ve divided my existing mostly blank journal/sketchbook in half and dedicating the latter portion to documenting this year’s exploits. I spent a good hour a few weeks ago with my stencils and a black marker writing out the days and weeks for the first trimester; I had little else to do that night. I’m sure I’ll get to the next trimester once another bout of “what-the-hell-am-I-really-doing?” kicks in.
Even my new (temporary) boss is aware that I “want to leave.” Plainly, he had asked what I wanted to do and I answered all-too honestly.
But to be honest, most jobs are just jobs.
(Design 945, Sonia Delaunay. Printed Silk. France 1929-30. Via The Bohmérian.)
My particular job is not as soul-deadening as I often portray it to be and I have to keep it mind that it’s only temporary. On my days off, I’ve been trekking out to Gulou to read
which is part comparative urban studies, part political philosophy, and a lot of travelogue.
It’s usually while I’m pretending to be informed that I question (worry) about creative citizenship. I get into moods where I get inspired by initiatives like Triple Major and PROGRAM and think about talking to the guy(s) at piangbanr. “Just do it!” a pair of sneakers admonishes me. Networking and go-getting. Just go.
I´ve been feeling that rut for a while now to the point where I cannot sleep more than a few hours at a time. I suppose finding the job I want to do in life and sticking to it would take care of some of the anxiety but then new anxiety would arise once I realized I couldn´t get out of it. Why do we complicates our lives so much? Why are things so much better in the mornings than in the evenings? Why did I buy a dozen Kukuxumusu glasses just to pay 2 euros less when I don´t have any space in my house for them?
Oh that´s right. Some of them are for YOU=)
Well, honesty is fine. I always told my supervisors well ahead when I was planning to leave, because I could trust them to understand my reasons and support me. It sounds like working with the young kids is fun sometimes, but I understand why you want to get out of teaching.
You’ve got skills and experience. You may not find the perfect career for a long time, but you can always get employment and keep your life outside of work as rewarding as possible.